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"I must have done something wrong!"

2012-01-28T22:10:00.000-05:00

Over the years I have worked with a number of elderly women, usually they are in their 80's. Without exception these women would share stories of their life and hit upon something that might not have gone just right. At that point they would say, " I must have done something wrong."
I'd hear different stories in different settings and time and time again something to the effect, " I must have done something wrong," would echo within the story.
I recall one day as I sat with my 86 year old friend 'Sweet Sally' her husband a real grump chimed into the chat exclaiming he taught her how to fry eggs. In a shout I said, WHAT? I couldn't believe this woman who lived through the Great Depression, raised two children and put up with him for 60 years couldn't fry and egg. Yet she sat silently and accept his words.
How does something like this happen? Is it how we are wired? When there's a problem at home, work or in relationships of all sorts why do we take the rap?
Last week I sat with a friend and had a conversation I have had many times. I commented on the role of women throughout time. I felt that in all cultures and all civilizations throughout the ages women have been the foundation and the cornerstone of it all.
I won't take time now to note all the hats we wear as we take on the many roles of life. There is no need to recite our accomplishments, we know what we do. We also know how well we can do it all.
The missing piece seems to be the validation. Three things everyone longs for is to be heard, loved and valued.
It made me sad the other day when my 84 year old client began to look for a note she had written . When she couldn't put her hands on it right away she looked up with a sad little twinkle in her eye and said, " if it's missing I probably put it in the wrong place, that's me, I am always messing up."
Perhaps these wise elder women speak out load how I have been made to feel or how you might have been made to feel. If something goes wrong, I must be behind it. Is this the origins of chronic Ms Fixit-All?
Well that is false. Why do we believe the lie? The story made up in the head of someone else is not necessarily truth. Someones opinion is not fact. Fact may not be the truth.
The truth is womanhood is a gift. A glorious gift. All we are and aspire to be is a birthing. We birth children, insight and wisdom. We birth something all the days of our life.
When the body weakens and the mind begin to fade the strength, power and nurturing that being a woman inspires will be hand to the next generation and the next.
I hope along the way we hold our selves accountable and begin to end the cycle of taking responsibility for all the so called wrong in our circle of life.
I believe our power is removed when we think we are to blame for all that is wrong. To tap into our God given power might begin with claiming what is ours and releasing what is not.

Twin Souls

2012-01-21T20:18:00.000-05:00

Twin souls travel through time together.

They can be two friends in a neighborhood

Mother, daughter, Father, son

Sisters and brothers.

They can live in completely separate places

And yet they know the other is out there, somewhere.

They speak the original language

It is wordless.

It is called knowing.

A look of the eye speaks volumes.
A tilt of the head tells all.
Twin souls travel all their life times together.
They branch from the same tree

And sail through the same sky
They battle the same demons
And rejoice with the same angels.

They stood behind the eye of God together in the beginning

And it is there they shall return.

Here is this weeks message.
We are more similar than different. Whether we have traveled life times together or it's just this one alone, we are connected. That connection can build lives or destroy lives. It is a choice.
It is a good practice to review intention. I wrote this poem for a very dear friend. The first time we met we were both on lock down, neither in a frame of mind to reach out or even share a simple exchange. Years later we met up again. I decided to invite her for coffee. It was a bold move on my part because I had experienced a fair amount of rejection. She said yes which was a bold move on her part because she didn't trust people. We both reached out beyond our comfort zone in that moment. We quickly became wonderful friends, soul sisters.
To remain in the state of mind that builds walls would have done little more than waste a perfectly good life.
Perhaps when God released His first breath of creation we were all within that breath and have never really been separate. Perhaps the percieved separation is false. It is something to consider.
What if the bridge is just a thought away?

Why the Inner Woman Series?

2012-01-16T17:55:00.000-05:00

I tell this story often. I was just about to turn 50. Clearly the synchronicity I had always known in my life was at work. Just prior to my birthday I created what I call a Journey Box. I filled it with hopes, dreams and changes I desired to occur during the next half of my life.

My soul and mind quaked with discontent. I was depleted. I had a full plate at the time, raising my family, running a household, the work of a marriage, a job and I was taking care of my elderly mother.
I moved through my days on automatic pilot.

On my travels to care for my mom I passed a homeless man on the same street corner almost daily. I drove by him for months. It was on Christmas Eve morning I set out to have coffee with mom, my mind was spinning.

On this particular morning I decided I had driven by the man long enough. It was Christmas after all and I should do something.

I drove along thinking I would be doing something nice for him. What I didn't know was he would offer me a few words that would change my life for ever.

I pulled the car over and handed him a bag of food. Two candy canes rested on top of the bag.
He walked eagerly to the window of the car. He was smiling. He took the bag and placed it on the frosty grass. Upon his return to the car I asked him how he was doing. He looked down the street and said, " there is no one out there who can help me." I looked at him and said, " there are people who can help you, you just have to let them."

With that he said God Bless you and I said the same. I drove the away.

His words echoed in my mind for month. He spoke the words that rang in my mind. Powerful!

I had long since blocked people from helping me and grew to believe as he did, that there was no one out there.
Mine was a lone wolf journey. I was on a road I was convinced others brought to me but in fact I had drawn to myself.

This homeless who I have since named Davol after the street her worked, spoke volumes in seconds.
Over time I realized that I was not alone in my thinking. I was one of many women feeling depleted by the many roles of life.

Soon after this profound crossing of paths I learned I had won a writing contest. As part of the agreement I was called to develop a Pay It Forward project.
Throughout the year long project I did many things to assist my community. Every step of the way depleted women like myself stepped up to help. They added one more project to their long list.

With that I decided it was time to bring something or someone to this glorious community of women.
With in months the 2011 What Women Want Series was born. From February to November speakers from all over New England joined me in offering insight and most important tools to lift women to the next level.
Towards the end of last years series I realized in many ways we understand what it is we want, the trick is getting it off the ground.
That bit of insight lead me to rename this dynamic program The Inner Woman Series.

I look forward to offer you the finest speakers once again this year. I have produced what I believe is a cutting edge program that is designed to uplift.

I am dedicated to supporting you in discovering your purpose and bringing those realized gifts forward to enhance your life and your community.

The speakers, events and mailings, ALL that I do is geared to do just that.
The Inner Woman Series will be held at three locations this year, The Soul Purpose, Somerset, MA, Bliss Life Yoga and Wellness Center, Rehoboth, MA and Positive New Beginning, East Providence, RI.
I have a full year planned with many surprises!
Please visit me at http://www.journeydujour.net/ for all the details.

Health Benefits o Kindness

2011-11-26T22:39:00.000-05:00

Health Benefits of Kindness - Abbreviated
Numerous scientific studies show that acts of kindness result in significant health benefits, both physical and mental. Here are some key points:

Helping contributes to the maintenance of good health, and it can diminish the effect of diseases and disorders serious and minor, psychological and physical.
A rush of euphoria, followed by a longer period of calm, after performing a kind act is often referred to as a “helper’s high,” involving physical sensations and the release of the body’s natural painkillers, the endorphins. This initial rush is then followed by a longer-lasting period of improved emotional well-being.
Stress-related health problems improve after performing kind acts. Helping reverses feelings of depression, supplies social contact, and decreases feelings of hostility and isolation that can cause stress, overeating, ulcers, etc. A drop in stress may, for some people, decrease the constriction within the lungs that leads to asthma attacks.
Helping can enhance our feelings of joyfulness, emotional resilience, and vigor, and can reduce the unhealthy sense of isolation.
A decrease in both the intensity and the awareness of physical pain can occur.
The incidence of attitudes, such as chronic hostility, that negatively arouse and damage the body is reduced.
The health benefits and sense of well-being return for hours or even days whenever the helping act is remembered.
An increased sense of self-worth, greater happiness, and optimism, as well as a decrease in feelings of helplessness and depression, is achieved.
Once we establish an “affiliative connection” with someone – a relationship of friendship, love, or some sort of positive bonding – we feel emotions that can strengthen the immune system.
Adopting an altruistic lifestyle is a critical component of mental health.
The practice of caring for strangers translates to immense immune and healing benefits.
Regular club attendance, volunteering, entertaining, or faith group attendance is the happiness equivalent of getting a college degree or more than doubling your income.
Source: Luks, Allan. The Healing Power of Doing Good: The Health and Spiritual Benefits of Helping Others. New York: iUniverse.com, 2001. Our thanks to the Niagara Wellness Council, Niagara Fall, NY, for compiling this list from Luks’ book. The Niagara Wellness Council